Joy
by DoctorJekyll
Summary: After losing Joy, House pays a visit to Cuddy- she forces him to stay...but who's using who, and how far will they go ?


_JOY_

_This is what I would have loved to have seen happen after JOY- _

_could be a one shot, could be more. _

_Please be kind and review._

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_"Why do you need to do that ?" she asked, "why do you need to negate everything I say ?"_

_"I don't know." He answered , and then he kissed her._

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He took her in his arms and kissed her like had wanted to do for the past five years. One hand pulled her close; the other reached up into her hair and tangled itself among her curls. His mouth found hers in an instant, and his tongue slipped inside feeling her warmth and her hunger. He kissed her and kissed her, his hands unable to stop from roaming, her back, her hair, her face. His lips wanting to devoure her. She was melting into him, and he could feel every ounce of want and of pain and of desire. He could feel it all, all of it. Too much of it.

House pulled away, knowing that if he didn't stop himself now, he wouldn't have the strength to do it later.

"Goodnight." He said under his breath as he turned on his heal and headed towards the front door.

"Stop" she called out reaching out and grabbing the back edge of his jacket. "Don't go."

House turned around and looked at her. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, the expression pleading. "Please, "she whispered tugging at his coat. "Don't go."

He looked down and saw her hand, the sleeve of the sweater, long and covering almost all of it, her fingers loosely gripped to his coat. "Cuddy," he whispered taking her hand off his coat and letting it fall. "I should go."

She looked up at him pleading. "Stay with me," she insisted in just above a whisper reaching out for the edge of his t-shirt and pulling him towards her. Towards her, towards the hallway, towards the bedroom, towards a night of passion and a morning of regret.

"Lise," he groaned, standing his ground. "Don't do this."

She looked up at him. Her red rimmed swollen eyes, her mussed unkempt curls. Her pajama pants, and oversized sweater, that reached down covering both her hands. "I need this." She said meeting his eyes with her tear stained ones before looking down at the ground between them. "I need you."

She reached across and took his hand and pulled him slowly to her bedroom. She was hurting, hurting so badly inside that she wanted nothing more than to be taken over. Completely, physically, mentally, emotionally. She wanted her body to be hijacked. She needed this. A night of sex. A night of him. Someone who could use her just as much as she was using him.

House looked at her, and took everything in. Everything. Her pain, her emotion, her overwhelming need. He knew this was a mistake. Sleeping with someone who was so incredibly vulnerable was sure to cause problems. But he couldn't deny her, and he couldn't deny himself. He stood frozen, motionless. His eyes squinting slightly as he tried to figure out her level of distress. Trying to gauge his emotions against hers. He didn't want to take advantage of her. He didn't want to take advantage of himself. He stood silently and watched as she gently took his hand and guided him towards her bedroom.

He followed her into the bedroom. Taking time to notice the nursery through its open door. It was fully furnished. All set up. The only thing left to add to it was a baby. The baby. The baby she lost today.

The realization brought him to his senses once again. And though she managed to pull him into her room. He stood still, unsure of what to do next. "Cuddy" he whispered pulling her hand so she would turn around and face him. "I don't….."

She leaned into him and kissed him, pressing her lips to his softly, stopping him mid-sentence, knowing what he was going to say and willing herself to change his mind. She kissed him harder and harder, sliding her tongue into his mouth, pressing her body into his. He couldn't refuse her. Her taste, her grief, her passion.

His resistance crumpled. He pulled her tightly into his chest and kissed her deeply, running his hands up her back, under her sweater, through her hair, to her neck, her throat.

She had him, and she knew it. She reached up to push his jacket off and he complied, pulling his hands off of her for long enough to shrug it off, letting it drop to the floor behind him. She reached instantly to the edge of his t-shirt and slipping her fingers underneath pulled it up and over his head before he had time to wrap his arms around her again. Knowing that once she had the opportunity to run her hands up and down his bare chest, he would be unable to hold back.

And it was true. Her hands on his chest were practically more than he could bear. Any and all of his resolve was lost as he fumbled for her sweater, her camisole, her bra. Everything came off one after the other in a quick flurry of clothes. His hands wrapped around her hips and slowly slid her pajama pants and panties off in one smooth motion, while she fumbled quickly through his belt and button fly, fumbled so much that he had to take over himself.

And all the while they were kissing, grabbing holding. Their hands pulling garments off and then snaking in each other's hair, up their backs, down their fronts. And kissing, kissing, kissing. Never stopping. Five years of want, hell, desire and fighting brought to a sudden boil. Their tongues tangeled against one another, their mouths open now and again gasping for air.

For one brief second he stopped her hands as they slid down the front of his boxers. A sliver of reason snuck into his lust filled brain, and he knew what dire consequences he would face in the morning. But then she looked up at him with her passion filled, pleading eyes, and he let go of her hands and felt her slide his boxers off. Her hand running over the short downy fur that covered his ass, before laying back on her bed and pulling him down on top of her.

Her hands were all over him, running up and down his back, his chest, in his hair, on his neck, across his belly. And he in return was in a flurry, kissing and stroking and rubbing. His hands needing, wanting to be everywhere at once. It was going fast, way too fast.

He went to reach between her legs and she stopped him, grabbing his arm around the wrist. "No," she whispered firmly into his ear. "I'm ready." She said ripping open a condom and placing it in his hand. With her face turned away she wrapped her legs up and around his waist.

He looked at her briefly, then pushed himself inside of her in one solid movement. She hid her face into his neck and raised her hips to meet him, one hand sliding down to his ass, and pushing slightly. He, tried to kiss her, tried to see her face. But all kissing ceased once he was inside her. She kept her face hidden, and set an intense pace, rising up to meet him and urging him on.

"Harder," she whispered into his ear as she clutched his shoulders. She wanted him to pound her, to crush her, to push and push until he pushed everything out and there was nothing left. She wanted to feel something, anything but the pain she was feeling now. "Harder" she moaned, "harder."

House was pumping and pushing and pounding as hard as he could. It was awesome, it was intense, it was insane. At some point this had stopped being about both of them using each other and had turned strictly into her using him. And though nothing, nothing felt better than being inside Cuddy like this, and he had often dreamt about pounding her relentlessly into the earth, there was something, something taking the edge off his pleasure. He knew she was vulnerable, he knew that he was using her, but now Jesus, she had turned the tables.

She came quietly, exhaustedly, her head pushing into his shoulder and her body trembling as she gripped onto his arms. He came shortly after, with a loud moan and collapsed onto his elbows, trying not to crush her.

Silently she slid out from underneath him and rolled onto her side facing away from him. House lay on his back for a while and let his heart and his breath catch back up, he pulled the condom off and stared into the darkness and listened for her breathing.

"Are you okay?" he asked without turning to face her.

"No" she answered with a heavy voice.

House closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "Do you want me to go?" he asked.

"No." she whispered.

He wanted to go, wanted to get up, gather his things and slink out the door. House was no stranger to meaningless sex, in fact, other than Stacy; meaningless sex had been what he thrived on. But this had been different. This had been meaningless and meaningful, but the meaning had been all wrong. It had been so full, full of heavy emotion. Cuddy, beneath him, had all but wept through the entire act, urging him to go "harder". All along, wanting him to be the one to hurt her, wanting him to give her some different pain. He knew all about substituting one pain for another, but he wasn't going to hurt her like that, not physically, never.

And now, here she was. Awake, of this he was sure, and unable to talk or even face him. Unable to do anything but stare into the darkness and breathe deeply. God, all these years he had wanted her so badly, in any way, on any night. But not like this. Now he was forced to stay there, silent and unmoving, hoping that somehow sleep would arrive for one of them.

House woke up in the middle of the night alone. He sat up rubbing his eyes and feeling for Cuddy, she was gone. His leg ached, his head ached. Tonight had been a misery, and it was far from over. Slowly he sat on the edge of the bed and reached down for his boxers, he slid them on and reached for his jeans, finding his vicodin bottle and sliding two into his hand. He dry swallowed both, then running his hand through his hair he stood tentatively and limped towards the hallway and the bathroom. After relieving himself and splashing water on his face, he headed down the hallway to find Cuddy.

The light in the nursery was on, the door was cracked. With one hand he pushed it open then took one tentative step inside, before leaning against the jam.

She was sitting on the floor, wrapped in a short robe, her knees up, her head resting on her arms. The nightlight was on and she was staring across at the crib.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," she answered softly, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Been up a while?" he asked

She nodded then looked up at him. "Look at all this stuff." She said fighting back tears. "I was so fucking stupid!" she cried.

"Easy, Cuddy." House said looking around the room. "You were ready. That's all, ready. Don't make it worse than it is."

"It can't be worst than it is House!" she practically shouted. "I had her in my arms, I watched her being born. "

"I know, Cuddy, I …."

"You don't know!" she stated, cutting him off.

"I know it hurts." he said almost inaudibly, his eyes looking down.

Cuddy looked at him then rested her head in her hands again.

"Come on Cuddy," he said limping towards her. "You need to lay down." She looked up at him as he stood before her in nothing but boxers. This man, this man who had done nothing but mock and ridicule her every desire of motherhood, this man whom hours ago she had attempted to use In order to push back some of the pain, this man stood before her in nothing but boxer shorts. His scar, which he usually fought to keep hidden, only inches from her face. His hand held out to her. "Don't pull too hard getting up," he continued. "You'll pull me down on top of you."

Cuddy, rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes, then reached out and placed her small hand inside his. As she pulled herself up, she closed her eyes. There was no part of this that she wanted Gregoery House to see. Yeah, she had just dragged him into her bed, for a night of sex. But this was emotions, raw hard emotions. Something he knew nothing about, and something she did not, ever want to share with him. It was going to be hard enough to face him after tonight, the sexual inuendos she could deal with, the mockery concerning her pain she could not.

House pulled her up and together they headed across the hall into her hand held hers and he was rubbing his thumb up and down along the back side of it. This small show of tenderness unnerved her. She turned around and reached her artms around his neck, hungrily she pressed her mouth to his.

"Stop," he said in a throaty whisper, "we're doing things my way this time." He took her hands off his neck and slowly eased her onto the bed. "Lay down." He whispered.

Cuddy let him slowly push her backwards onto the bed. This was not what she wanted. She wanted to be on top. Fast and rough like before. No time to feel or think about anything. Just physical.

He lay besides her and slowly opened her robe, inhaling deeply when he saw the nakedness beneath it. Even though he had experienced her body hours before, he couldn't get over how perfect it was, how creamy her skin was, how taught, and smooth and delicious.

He kissed her deeply and his hand moved to her breast. Stroking and playing with her nipple, rubbing it between his fingers and pinching it gently, tugging it up and then releasing it before moving to the other one. She moaned softly and squirmed beneath his touch. He alternated between stroking and kissing, sucking, nipping. He couldn't resist. They were perfect, better than he had imagined. Cuddy moaned softly and reached for his head "Greg….I can't…."

"Shhhh," he whispered looking up into her eyes. "Just try to relax Cuddy."

"No, I…" she continued but he came up and kissed her. Kissed her, taking her protests away, her breath away, her thoughts away. He kissed her long and hard, his tongue pushing into her mouth, his teeth gently grazing her lips his hands not knowing what to stroke, her breasts her side, her neck, her hair. They were everywhere.

He continued to kiss her, then brought his lips down to her neck, nibbling on it, sucking on it. Her head came back, and she arched her back. His hand that was stroking her side slid down slowly, down over her taught belly, and started to dip into her panties, when she suddenly tensed and grabbed him around the wrist. "Don't" she moaned.

House pulled his hand free and looked up into her eyes. "Don't" she continued between heavy breaths, "I'm…. you don't need to…."

"Cuddy," he whispered into her ear as he nibbled on her lobe, "I want to." He kissed her again, slowly. His lips covering hers, parting, his tongue slowly sliding into her mouth, then coming back out again. "I want to help you forget."

His hand slowly traced circles on her silky stomach then his fingers dipped into her undies and gently stroked the short curls they found there. "Just relax" he whispered as his fingers gently caressed her folds. "Relax." He repeated as he slipped a finger inside, pleased to find her so wet despite her protests.

Cuddy, didn't want this. Didn't want House lying besides her, stroking her, feeling how wet with desire she was. It had been one thing to fuck him like she had earlier. Hard and rough. Nothing but an act, an animalistic act. Each pleasing only him or herself. But now House was being different. He was just pleasing her. His hands and mouth roamed all over her body, finding every sweet spot, every hidden treasure, making her writhe and moan like she hadn't done in years. And now his fingers reaching inside of her, feeling her arousal, sliding in and out of her, toying with her. She didn't want that. She couldn't. Not with him. Not with House.

House could tell she was resisting him. As much as she could. Her body would go to the edge, then her conscience would kick in and he could feel her tense up under his fingertips. "Come on Cuddy," he whispered in between ear nuzzlings, his two fingers now alternating between pumping in and out her and stroking her. "Just let go." He whispered as his fingers continued toying, teasing, and sliding. His thumb now reaching up, to hit her in exactly the right spot.

That was all it took. The wave of pleasure was too big. Cuddy couldn't fight it. "Greg," she moaned out loud as she arched her back and coming violently, shuddering against him, "Ohhh, God," she cried out gripping her hands against his biceps, and shutting her eyes.

House stilled his movements and brought one arm up around her waist, pulling her firmly against him. Letting her have a moment of recovery as she pressed herself against him, her face up against his shoulder.

Slowly he moved his hand from between her legs and let it slowly caress her inner thighs. He gently nudged her legs open and positioned himself above her. "Ready?" He whispered, as he pressed himself against her. She nodded softly, without looking up.

He entered her in one long smooth motion, so gentle it took her breath away. She was still incredibly sensitive and he heard her try to stifle a gasp as slid inside. He could feel every part of her wrapped around him. And she felt so good, it took every ounce of self control that he had to keep the pace as slow and smooth as possible.

"Come on Cuddy," he whispered nudging her with his forehead, as he paused momentarily within her. "Look at me."

It was still. Dead silent except for their labored breathing. He was poised on his elbows, resting between her legs, deep inside of her. Her legs were up, crossed over and wrapped around his. Her hands on his shoulders, her face pressed against his bicep. "Come on," he nudged again.

Cuddy looked up at him. Her grey blue eyes locked on his, and he stared into them intently before leaning in to kiss her. First one than two small kisses then his lips parted, and he slipped his tongue tentatively in as he regained his slow and steady rhythm within her.

Cuddy could hardly bare it. Bare, having him above her, inside her. So, gentle and careful. His strokes long and smooth. His eyes fixed on hers, his lips covering hers from time to time to deliver soft breathy kisses. This was not the House she knew. The House who she had forced out of her mind and her heart long ago. The House who was a lonely recluse, a selfish bastard. The first round of sex tonight had been that House. The House she knew on a day to day basis. The House who practically tore her clothes off and followed her lead hungrily. Pushing her onto the bed and meeting her rhythm with fast hard thrusts that almost caused her to cry out in pain. That was the House she knew.

Not this one. Not this gentle, caring creature above her. Who eased himself in, being careful not to hurt her. This was not what her heart needed now. This was the House she had hoped to encounter for all those years. The House she had always wanted. The House she had finally forced herself to admit did not exist.

Slowly but urgently his pace quickened. He rested his lips against her forehead, and squeezed her shoulder with one hand. "Ohhhh God Cuddy !" he moaned. His body shook momentarily, and then he was still, on top of her, resting on his elbows. His hand reached up to rest on her cheek, and he placed his forehead against hers. "That was so good Lise," he said between breaths.

Slowly, he pulled out of her, and rolled off to her side. He lay on his back besides her, both arms resting behind his head.

"House…." Cuddy whispered as she felt his slick warm fluids running down her thighs, "did you use a condom?"

Slowly he rolled to his side facing her; he placed one of his large hands gently across her abdomen. "Nope," he answered. "I'm clean, I haven't' been with a woman without a condom since…."

"I know you're 'clean' "she snapped "It's just that I…" she began, sitting up.

"Shhhh, Cuddy" he sat up beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder, slowly easing her back down. "Stay still," he continued, laying down besides her "give my guys a chance will ya ?"

"A chance?" she began, until the full realization of his words hit her, "House," she said turning to face him, "you don't mean…."

"Cuddy," he cut her off "lay still…in fact," he turned around and grabbed one of the spare pillows off the bed "lift !" he said tapping the side off her hips. Cuddy looked at him silently and blinked. She didn't move. House raised an eyebrow "lift" he repeated, holding the pillow, "unless of course you don't want…" Silently Cuddy, raised her hips, and allowed him to slip the pillow beneath them. She brought her hips down on the pillow and lay still. Her eyes shut tightly, trying as hard as she could to hold back the tears that were swimming to the surface; her lips were pressed together in a tight line.

"Hey "he whispered absentmindedly pushing some stray hairs of her damp forehead as he leaned up on one elbow to look at her. "If you don't want this, it's ok. I thought…."

The dam broke and the tears came flooding out. "I want this so much!" she sobbed. "I want his more than anything." She continued, unsuccessful at choking down her tears.

"With me?" he asked quietly

"Especially with you!!" she continued, through short choking breaths. Thinking back on all of the fertility treatments, all of the donors she had run by him,run by him in hopes that he would offer himself. Then she would have a part of him, a part of him that she could love unconditionally and that would love her back.

"Then why all the tears?" he asked softly, running his thumb up and down on her cheek bone.

"I never thought you would…..in a million years….want anything…" Cuddies paused and let out a few stifled cries "and now, so much hope, pinned on one night…"

"Hey, hey, hey," he whispered with a small chuckle, "Nobody said anything about it being only one night."

the end

_First attempt at some smutt. Please review !!!_

_PS- for Breaking the Dam fans -no worries, more to come soon !!_


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